There was a time when blogging was part of my effort to survive the phases of life we were going through. A way through the mental maze--to express my thoughts as the mom of littles that I was at the time.
Later blogging became a way to express my heart for adoption, the journey of adoption, introduced you to our kids, and even was used to fundraise. It was our main method of asking for prayer in-country.
My heart was constantly in need of the community aspects of blogging. I loved to connect with others, read their hearts, blogging and grew my knowledge of the world outside of my little sphere.
I expressed many things over those years. You came alongside. You supported, and the blog was getting a ton of hits as we brought home our kids. But with their arrival came the end of littleandrews.com, because as far as I could see, the journey was no longer one that should be public.
The conviction grew in my heart as I saw the numbers of readers increase--the conviction that these kid's stories are their own, not mine, not yours. They had to grow up, go to school, have families, friends, careers. I didn't want to impede that process or their possibilities by putting out a portrayal of them that they might have been then, or the struggles I was having with some of them (and those they had with me)--each which might not exist in the future. I didn't want to taint or limit my kid's opportunities with my shortsightedness or limited understanding of who they were at that moment.
And here I return two years later, knowing that decision was the best decision to make at that time, but also acknowledging that when you have an established method of communication that is very good for your sanity, it's not good to let that go in it's entirety--for any reason.
2014-2015 was a trial run for the marathon. It was hard, but analogously, it was a first-timer's 5K kind of hard.
2015-2016 was in many ways a private nightmare. Like, you just did a 5k. Suddenly, "Oh look, another 5k, we can do another 5K! Why wouldn't we do another 5K!?" All the things happened. All the things. If you know, you know. If not, no need to explain. Marathons are not, repeat, NOT 5Ks.
PSA. If you get the idea you are maybe about to run a marathon, or maybe are in one you didn't foresee, (you know, like you were tubing in a teency little tributary, and suddenly it joined with...oh, the Mississippi River) please consult with someone who has run a few marathons (or canoed in a raging river), they will have advice that non-runners can't give you (not that those people don't know anything, they are just, say, more acquainted with weight-lifting or some other analogy).
2016-2017 was quite difficult, but we began to say "no" to a lot more things, and began to visit more with those living the life we were living. Relief resides in shared testimonies, my friends. I/we started to pray prayers that were big prayers, believing He would answer, and saw God answer them.
2017, chock full of the everyday of life , has thus far been peaceful, perhaps finally becoming what I can actually call "normal" (all two months). Like a nice jog--sore muscles, but I mean, it's good for you. You do still get sore though.
Enough with analogies... I haven't run in forever... No time.
1. A (relative) state of household peace and quiet where children co-exist having some semblance and respect of each other's personal space and belongings.
2. A reasonable amount of food in the house due to lack of gorging, pack-ratting, or other trauma-induced habits.
3. Long periods of time without tantrum, outburst, destructive, or violent behavior.
4. Ability to share a meal, event, or activity together without constant sabotage.
Now, I understand that to anyone not informed on the last couple of years at our house, the above definition might raise eyebrows. To those who do know the amazing (and I do mean amazing) things we have walked through--or better yet, YOU have walked through them in your own home (and thanks for walking beside us) this probably brings a chuckle. It might still bring a sigh.
Normal. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. You also might not know what it is until you have lost it. And I do mean LOST it! Ha! When some semblance returns, you want to tell everyone. Much like you would tell everyone if you got the most amazing gift ever.
We get up, we go about our day, there is somewhat of a routine, we eat, we sleep, we study, work, and we worship...and we do laundry. Lots of laundry. We even like each other. I think? Let me just tell you, we do love each other, but as with all relationships, it sometimes takes more effort for "liking" to happen. For instance, when Nate says he really likes me after twenty years, it makes me feel AWESOME.
Here's to the couple of people who have told me to get back out there again and write! Also, here's to my sister, Elizabeth, who almost simultaneously came to the conclusion that there are better ways to share our hearts than facebook...like a blog...what?! Get a blog girl. Let's do this.
Hey guys, maybe I'll even update the site too. If I can remember how to do it?
Maybe even put up a new picture?
More to come.
EDIT: You will notice previous links to donations, adoptive organizations, and previous blog entries have been temporarily removed. I will spend some time going over previous entries so as reorganize the site and limit any previous entries for family privacy. Thank you.